I, by nature, have always been a rescuer. I was completely unaware of this fact for almost all of my life, until these last few years.
Being deeply empathic (of which I was also unaware), I felt as if it was my duty to help and heal everyone in my midst. I attempted to do this with my whole heart and soul for decades, resulting in extremely unhappy outcomes, the majority of which were devastating and heart wrenching to me and often the other person involved. And yet, I continued to repeat the pattern… Until I was able to grow enough within myself and see what was actually happening.
The trigger of this pandora’s box being unbolted was someone with enough balls to tell me that I was a people pleaser. I was not particularly close to this person but close enough for it to rip my heart open and give me one of the rudest awakenings that I have ever had. I have now genuinely forgiven this person with the deepest gratitude ever, as the years that followed this incident would prove to be life-changing for me.?
We read a lot these days about the empath vs narcissist relationships and the pain caused by them. I have been in many of these said relationships (not just lovers) and yes, they were agonising. I put much blame on the said narcissist at different times in my life, for I felt it was due as their actions were at times particularly callous and it felt justified that they should be reprimanded. However, in retrospect, this did not really help me progress and I simply ended up repeating the pattern and being filled with resentment.
I think that we need to see this relationship combination in a different light. One that puts less blame on the narcissist and also causes us to look at the empath too. If the empath never encounters a narcissist, how is it possible for the empath to see the unhealthy patterns that they possess, that are also in need of healing? I believe that this relationship combination is mutually beneficial if we are able to see it from a perspective of personal radical responsibility.
Interestingly enough, as I had mustered up enough forgiveness for these said relationships, I attracted less of them. However, I then found myself putting the same intense energy into relationships with other empaths and strangely, they ended up producing a similar outcome. Heartbreak and disagreement.
I cannot tell you that this whole realisation was a joyous one. Healing from this pattern is perhaps equally as traumatic as the pattern itself. On the plus side, once healing begins to occur the pattern naturally begins to break down. This is hardly an overnight process but with each relationship that came forward more was realised and understood and in turn, able to be healed.?
This is still a work in progress and though much has been learnt, as a highly sensitive empath, it is something that needs constant attention for me. I do realise that as my self-love begins to increase, my rescuing tendencies seem to decrease, pretty much in equal measure.?
Do you recognise this pattern within yourself? To do so requires brutal honesty, self-awareness and a valiant heart. With the incentive of knowing that once you admit this to yourself, you have embarked on a personal journey to freedom. Releasing this unhealthy pattern will lead you to a more joyous life and allow you to let go of a ginormous burden that you have been unconsciously carrying for aeons!?
The bottom line is that when we put an unhealthy effort into others we are, in essence, relinquishing some of our personal power. Whenever we give our power away we are betraying our soul to some degree and doing this ALWAYS causes melancholy and even depression in my experience. It is a tricky situation as it is very hard to see what is happening whilst you are living it.
I am not saying that you should completely ignore other people’s needs! Hell, no!! Kindness and compassion are essential.? But are you compromising your own needs to help other people? Have you questioned that if by offering the help that you think the other person needs, you may be enabling them and thereby stunting their own growth?
One of my favourite reminders of this is when I heard a favourite spiritual teacher say:
“You are not a fireman, you are not here to rescue people!.” ~ Doreen Virtue
Unless of course you really are!?? That is a different story!?
I feel this extends to our personal growth in a big way. Sometimes we get so caught up in other people and how we affect them, that we hinder our own growth and theirs too. Every relationship in our lives is there to serve a purpose and it is for us to decipher that and appreciate it in whatever form that may be.
I am beginning to believe that the best way that we can help anyone and even the Universe is by working on ourselves to be the best version of who we are.? This way we can serve as a catalyst to all those we encounter! The brighter our light shines by being authentically us, the more powerful an inspiration and source of joy we can be for others.⭐ How do you feel about this? I am curious to hear your thoughts…
I hope that this has ignited a sense of fabulousness of who you are, for you are doing so much more than you realise already!? By developing yourself and letting the results speak for themselves, you can create momentum that you can only begin to imagine! By doing this you will not only raise your vibration but that of humanity to boot!?
FEEL GOOD ABOUT FOCUSING ON YOURSELF!? Observe how that can change things!!?
Ignite your own personal flame!?
You are your own magic wand!?
Sending you immeasurable starlight and eternal love!
❤ ? ? ? ? ❤
Special thanks to pixabay.com for all the lovely images.??